Such A Big Girl!

I am beginning to think I have upset someone and you know what, I honestly don't care. This is a first for me, normally I am attempting to figure out what I did wrong and now I just don't care. This really feels good, I didn't know it could feel this good not to worry about what others think of you. I suppose it would be different if the person was somebody I truely cared about and didn't want to hurt. But I don't believe I did anything to hurt this person and that they are just making something out of nothing.
Am I really beginning to grow up? I think I am! So another week has passed without hubby and it seems to be getting a little more difficult each week, I long for him to be home and able to help with our children. As for this deployment, there are so many rumors flying around as usual and my thought is their is always some truth to every rumor! I will let you know if any of the rumors have any validity when something happens!

Till Next Time.

Burdens and Challenges

Tired and disgusted with this whole deployment and being left here in the States by myself to deal with three children. Today my 8 year old daughter came home and proceeded to lie to me about something which occured and I gave her several opportunities to tell me the truth. I don't know what to do anymore to get these children to realize I am not going to deal with their bad behavior. Then I went to the Y today and if you remember my story about the little boy who slapped my son while playing soccer, today the same little boy was strangling my child all while his parents sat their and watched their child do this. I honestly wanted to have it out with his parents. I did inform the coach that I couldn't take this any longer. My child shouldn't have to feel afraid to come to the Y. Hopefully this child does not attend class on Thursday. I was told if he did show up, then they would as him to leave.

I honestly just wish I didn't have to deal with this on my own. I want nothing more than to share these difficult and uncomfortable times with my husband.

In happier news my husband passed his promotion board and is looking at getting promoted to E-6 here very shortly. I am so proud of him and everything he has accomplished. I only wish I could share in his glory!

Till Next Time

Cleaning is necessary

So life has been hectic again and rather than blogging right now, I should be up cleaning my home. I can't even to stand to look at, I have let it go for way to long. I need to vaccum, mop, clean the bathrooms, kitchen, dining room and most importantly I need to go through everyone's rooms and begin purging! Yet I always put it off. I just wish I could keep in mind how much better I would feel once I have accomplished everything. In all honesty though, I just wish I had some help. It sucks having to do everything by myself. I suppose I should be use to doing it alone. Another week of loneliness has passed and I still have quite a few more weeks of loneliness to go!

Alright I am going to go begin cleaning and hope I may get distracted by my husband calling me.

Chat with you all later!

Pampering Session Needed

I have decided I just want one day to myself without children. Maybe I could go get my hair done and go out to lunch. Having a day to myself sounds so wonderful right now. I suppose I should use my 16 hours of respite care for little man, so I can have a day to myself. It's getting past leaving him at daycare, in all honesty I would rather be able to give him to someone I know and trust. Another week has past and yet it still feels like it is going by so slowly. Honestly were keeping busy and the days seem to pass by quickly enough. I miss my husband and want him to come home safely to our family. Maybe next payday I will take myself out.

Love and Missing my wonderful husband!

Violence in Iraq

Had a good time at church today as well as an amzing time at a Halloween party. I only wish my husband was home to enjoy it with us. He did get to see the children in their halloween costumes today as we were on Skype. I only worry because I found out that their was some extreme violence in Baghdad. I know he is currently safe, I just hate knowing elections are coming up in Iraq and I can only imagine the violence is going to get worse. I would rather he was home with our family!

I love and miss him and continuously pray for his safe return to our family.

Till Next Time!

Throwing My Tantrum

How am I going to manage to get through this deployment. I am tired of taking care of our three children on my own, it is un-nerving to have to listen to the girls fight continuously and Isaac whine or throw tantrums. I don't want to do it anymore, I didn't have these three children by myself and yet I am always having to play a single mother. This has been a rough week, I often wonder if my children will ever appreciate what I do for them. The dance lessons, swim lesson, festivals and other activities we do.

Will my husband ever have the opportunity to see on a first hand basis what I have to go through? With each passing day I become more and more irritable. I mean I am doing things a lot differently this deployment. I am keeping myself and our children very active. Yet I constantly feel as though it is not enough as others are asking me to do things for them as well. Days like these I just want to throw in the towel and run away! Instead I just endure and keep going knowing I have to get through the day and hopefully tomorrow will be different.

Eruption of Anger Possible

Alright so I didn't do much of anything today. I did get the children to the YMCA for their swim lessons and Itty Bitty Sports. However while Isaac was learning to play soccer him and another little boy began to argue back and forth one saying "YES" and the other saying "NO" but then the next thing I saw before I could Isaac to calm down this other little boy slapped my son across the face. I was really angry, because as a parent had my child slapped their child he would have been apologizing but the little boys parents were just laughing about it and just sat him out the remainder of the time. Am I expecting to much as a parent.

I am already having a difficult time keeping my anger in control while my husband is gone but it is to the point where I think I may wind up getting into a physical altercation with someone! I don't believe violence resolves anything, however I honestly feel as though are youth are being raised in a violent and awful enviornment anymore. It is to the point I have even been contemplating home schooling my children.

What do I do with all the anger and irritability I have within me. I have been working out but it doesn't seem to be helping as much as it used to. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Bear Hug Needed

Today has been a struggle, I had some difficult conversations and then I wound up at the YMCA for shrimps and red's swim lessons without shrimps swim trunks. I felt so awful, I mean he is only three years old and was devastated he couldn't swim. I am thinking it may be best to place some extra swim clothes in the car for shrimp. It's sad because it seems the littlest things seem to bring me down. Right now I could really use a big bear hug from the love of my life (aka My Husband).

Shrimp Misses Daddy

In all honesty I wish my husband was home right now. These past few days have been very difficult. Shrimp seems to be becoming more and more out of control. I know he wants his daddy home, Sunday during church he turned to me and said "I want my daddy." It was so heart breaking and then every evening when he blesses the food, he asks for his daddy to come home. I don't know what to do, he has so many things which keep him close to his daddy. Everyday he is able to see daddy on Skype and then he had a video he watches before going to bed where daddy is reading him a story.
How am I going to get through this next year with my little boy's heart breaking. He also gets very upset when somebody leaves and he isn't able to say the goodbye he wants. I hate seeing my children hurt so much and not be able to relieve their pain. I don't know how much longer I can handle being an Army Wife. My children I find need their daddy.

Till Next Time

Another Week

So it has been another long week, I am really feeling the need to have my husband home. I miss him terribly and wish I had my other half here to help me with our children. Maybe I have taken on to much, I haven't been having much success with blogging daily. I did manage to get some items posted on ebay! Now I only hope I can make some money off these items. It would be nice to be able to start making payments on my loans. I have also been making certain we attend church every week, our children seem to enjoy it. I can only hope they enjoy it as much when they become teenagers.
It is Monday and another week begins of swim lessons, dance lessons and itty bitty sports. Hopefully I will also be able to get some more tasks accomplished as well. I was only able to workout 4 times last week and I really want to get 5 times in this week. I also need to get the bathrooms cleaned! Send off my wonderful husbands care package and hope others will begin sending him stuff as well.
I love and miss my husband so much and can't wait until we are in each others arms again! One more week down and way to many left!

Chat with you later

Off To My Other Home

Alright, once again I am headed to my other home (YMCA). Sometimes I just wish I could stay at home the whole day without having to do anything. My life is so crazy, hectic and revolves so much around my children. Welcome to the life of motherhood with school age children. Today they have dance lessons, hopefully they have a great time. This morning I forgot to turn off my alarm again, so I woke up at 6:30 and was attempting to get back to sleep when my husband texted and said he was online. This was around 6:45, he forgot it was Saturday. I had to let him go because I was so exhausted. I feel so awful when I don't stay and chat with him. What is even worse is that I couldn't even get back to sleep. I do have to say I am grateful I haven'thad to take sleeping pills this deployment. (so far)

Well I better get going, because I know parking is going to be miserable. Hopefully not as bad as last Saturday!

First Showing of Blog Love

I just got my first comment and it was from my husband!! Yay, see I told you he was a wonderful and caring man. Today has been a very busy day as you can tell I am not blogging until evening time. I was able to get some much needed errands run and now I am preparing to sit down and watch some TV. I also am hoping to get some laundry done as well. Tomorrow I am going to post my items on Ebay! If I say it here, then I know it will happen. Yeah right, just like I said I would post every day my husband was deployed. I love you my handsome man and I am waiting for the day we are reunited!

Now to take care of some house hold chores!

Goals to Accomplish

I know I have been MIA for a few days, I am also feeling like such a complete disappointment. I had so many great ideas and goals to achieve while my husband was deployed and one of them was this blog. I wanted to blog every day and I have not been doing well at all. When I make certain I do it first thing in the morning then it gets accomplished but the last few mornings I just forgot. I hate the feeling of failure. Some of the other goals I want to accomplish while he is deployed include starting up my ebay business again, learning some form of dance, working out 5 days a week at least, learning to sew and most importantly making certain I get packages sent off to my husband and I also want to begin training to run a half marathon at this point.

I honestly wish their more hours in the day. It seems like everyday I have something scheduled and I am never able to get much accomplished. My bathrooms still need to be cleaned and I also need to get down on my hands and knees and scrub the dining room floors. Basically I guess I am saying regular life is complicating my extra curricular life. LOL So many things to do and so little time. I will def. be keeping you informed as to how well I do with the things I want to accomplish over these next several months.

Intentional Avoidance

I missed another day of posting. How lame can I get? Yesterday was a good day, I finally got a chance to talk to my husband and it looks like we won't be arguing about the stupid idea I came up with to pay my loans off anymore.(Hopefully) The children and I managed to get to church as well, which we desperately needed. Saturday night was an awful night as I couldn't sleep worth crud because I knew my husband was intentionally avoiding me. It is sad when your husband is in Iraq and you can still tell when he doesn't want to talk to you. So another week has passed and I can only hope and pray the weeks will continue to pass so quickly. I am looking forward to R and R. It can't come quickly enough.

Today is a new day and a new week filled with YMCA activities as well as lots of FRG functions. Honey you are in my constant prayers and I pray you will remain safe and observant to everything around you!

Looking Back

Will I ever stop making stupid decisions? I don't know what to say for myself, however when you find yourself in a financial predicament you will find whatever method you can to get the money. These past few days since finding out about the status of my student loans I have come up with some normally unfathomable ideas of how to pay them off. It is difficult because I don't want to live the rest of my life in debt. Sometimes I wish I could join the military and they would pay off my student loans, however I know that is impossible. So that option is out. No, I would never rob or steal from somebody! I want to earn the money honestly. I feel as though their is nothing I can do. Then when I get in this state it feels like nothing I do is ever right and I wind up hurting everybody who is around me. I also begin questioning the decisions I have made in my life and it seems like I have done everything all wrong.

Is anything salvagable now or am I going to lose everything? I know this is putting a burden on my whole family and I am at a loss as to what to do. I honestly believe I may lose everything. The only person I have to blame is myself, I should have went back to work once we moved up to Washington. There are so many things I should have done differently! If only...

Unconditional Love

What is unconditional love and is their really anyone who can actually give someone unconditional love? I sit here and ponder this because all the relationships I have had in my life have ended up in heart break. Now it seems like when I need somebody the most, their is nobody their. I attempt to talk to my husband and he says he doesn't want to talk to me when I am in this kind of mood. Which makes me realize he doesn't love me unconditionally and would rather run away from me! I think that is part of the reason he enlisted in the military, because he was running away. Maybe it is because I just demand to much. Yet with everything that has happened between my mother and my sister in the past few weeks, I feel as though it is alright to ask for a little more. I will admit I need love and validation from those left around me who care about me. Right now I want nothing more than to feel loved and to be told I am doing well in the situation I am currently in.

I know unconditional love come from Heavenly Father and yet I feel so alone.

Student Loan Hell

Today is a better day, I didn't wake up vomiting last night. I can still hear my intestines working over time on occasion though. Now I am just hoping my husband and love of my life will get online soon, so we can chat. I also need to get some house work accomplished. It seems it is going to be a busy, busy day. The children are also home from school today and tomorrow as it is Teacher Inservice days. I suppose they are preparing for fall conferences.

Right now I am stressed about the payment of my student loans. I wish I could have been like my husband and went into the military to have all my student loans paid for. It has been a struggle to come up with the money to make any type of attempt to pay them off. I have some loans in forebearance but these ones were through the school and were not placed in forebearance. It is such a struggle as I have managed to keep up with all our other bills and yet my student loans always get pushed aside. Often times I think my husband doesn't give a rats ass. As long as his our in good standing and the military is paying for them then who cares about his wives. Alright enough purging, maybe if I make a payment of some kind it won't get sent even further.

Sick

Sick, Sick, Sick is all I can say about yesterday and today. I only hope I can begin feeling better today.

Sick in Bed

I honestly wish that whatever has taken over my body would leave. I am exhausted, nauseated and have no energy what so ever. I don't even feel like eating or drinking the majority of the time, so I have to force myself to do it. The evening wasn't to bad yesterday, but I still had the nauseous feeling. I had been feeling so ill yesterday that when my husband and I got on Skype I wasn't able to chat with him for very long because all I wanted to do was sleep. Which means I must be really ill. I just want to feel well again and be able to get out and do my normal routine. I am suppose to go out with several friends today but I think I am going to have to cancel.

Sleep I guess is the best thing for me right now. It just seems impossible with a 3 year old in the house. Hopefully none of my children get what I have, as it is miserable. This illness also makes me wish my husband was home with me. I truly could use his love and support right now. I miss him so darn much.

Till Tomorrow

Sleep Deprivation

I am so exhausted and I feel as though I have been run over by a freight train. It takes me forever to get to sleep at night and then I wake up off and on through out the evening. I just wish I could get a full nights sleep. I do have medication to help me sleep but then I am fearful I will not wake up if one of my children need me, so I don't take it. So this morning although I was awoken by receiving a text message at 5:30 this morning I forced myself to go back to sleep until 8:30. I need some rest, I have been getting way to irritable and I can feel myself losing control which is not a good thing. I have also decided most of my day today will be spent relaxing by reading a book. I don't have anything to do until 1500 this afternoon. 3:00 p.m. for civilians. Of course I will feed my son and make certain he gets what he needs but otherwise I need to do this so I stop losing control. By the way I was able to get the girls up at 6:30 and off to school.

I am hoping by just letting my body relax today that it will get me through this week. The girls don't have school on Thursday or Friday either, so we all should be able to rest as well.

Till Tomorrow!

Living Vicariously In the Past

Alright so I missed a day, what a disappointment. In all honesty though, I have been so busy. Yesterday I had a tattoo and body piercing party, it was such a blast. I had friends from High School who I have not seen in 12 years come and have some tattoo work done. Some of them just came to visit. It was such fun, to get together and remember our youth. I can't believe how good some of their memories are. It was such a good day and I even managed to get my belly button pierced, which was slightly painful! This is going to be one of those memories I hope I never forget. I only wish several of my other friends had been able to make it. It truly felt good to catch up with one another and in a since to relive the old days when we were young and had no cares. Now life has caught up with us and we all have had our struggles or may even still be struggling with something. I can't believe how much we have grown up because when we all got together it seemed as though we had never been separated.

It makes me also appreciate the new friends I have in my life! I have been so blessed and I think I am just now beginning to realize how much I have been blessed!

Fantastic Day

Headed to bed but had a wonderful day today. Thank you honey for singing to me and making me cry like a baby. It was great to hear you sing "I'm Already There."

I love and miss you so dang much. Gotta get some sleep so I can be ready for the Tattoo and Body Piercing party tomorrow.

Generosity Is Such A Blessing

Tonight I went to our first FRG (family readiness group) pay day dinner. A few of us ladies went to Olive Garden and were just able to unwind and relax with other women who have something in common. It was also nice to get away from my children and make me realize how much I do love and appreciate them. Thank you Kaylin for watching them, you are such a wonderful friend! I only hope I am able to return the generosity.

My handsome man, I truly wish their wasn't a reason for us wives to go out and participate in pay day dinners. I wish it had been you and I out on a date! I miss you desperately, it is so difficult being separated from you. I truly hope you are doing well, I am hoping I am able to get a care package off to you tomorrow. I suppose I should let you know I wasn't able to remember what books you wanted me to send you. I went to the book store this evening and all the books looked the same. I want so much to bring you happiness and yet I feel as though I am failing in such small ways as the one mentioned above. I love you my dear handsome husband, best friend and lover.

Till Tomorrow

Quick Update

Alright just a quick update as I really need to get to bed and get some rest. It was a pretty uneventful day, I went grocery shopping and then had the girls over again tonight. Sarah made us dinner which was fantabulous! Kaylin brought the humor once again, which we can always use when our loved ones are deployed. Now I need to get some sleep so I can wake up in the morning and get the girls off to school!

Till tomorrow.

Lack of Sleep Equals Irritability

Today has been one of those days where I just want to place a pillow over my head and scream until I can't scream any longer! It seems when you get one child healthy, the next child winds up ill. All I can do today is scream at my children. I just want peace and quiet to come. Exhaustion has begun to set in and when I am overly tired I become extremely irritable. Today I was suppose to have my counseling appointment, however since our son was sick last night I had to cancel it. I really need my counseling, it helps me function on a regular basis. I also needed to vent about so many things. Like the fact that my husband was deployed so soon after completing his last deployment. Why, why was his Brigade selected? How do you remain in a marriage when it appears every other year we will be faced with a separation. All I want is my husband here to help me deal with the functioning of our home and the raising of our children.

Being a military wife their are days where you wish you weren't a military wife. Today is one of those days where I just wish my husband was at a regular job and worked normal hours and would come through the door at the end of the day! Don't get me wrong, I truly admire my husbands sacrifice however I often feel as though the sacrifices of our soldiers families are forgotten. Right now I am wondering what life would be like if my husband was just a civilian. I miss my husband and just wish he was able to hold and kiss me right now. I know civilian life has its own complications, often times though I wish I didn't have to deal with the daily fear of knowing my husband is over in Iraq (fighting to remain alive).

I think I need some sleep. Till tomorrow.

Longing For Evenings Together

My Dearest Handsome Husband:

I truly love the evenings and yet I also despise them. I love them because it is my time to relax without any interupptions. Our children are in bed sleeping peacefully the television is all mine. The evenings are also miserable because this is the time we would normally have for one another. We would sit down and watch a show together or we would just curl up in bed with one another. During the evenings it also leads me to think about things which could happen, I don't want anything to happen to you. I miss you so much and long for nothing more than your safe return to my arms.

It was so wonderful to be able to see you on Skype today. Little man was still talking about seeing you on the computer this evening. We even managed to get our web cam to work properly so we had to test it out and he was so excited to see himself and be able to try out numerous facial expressions. Our oldest was so sad she wasn't able to see you, she felt left out and I felt so bad for her. I hope next time she won't be in school and she will be able to see you. Red, should be headed back to school tomorrow. She loved seeing you as well and I think it made her feel all the more better.

I am so exhausted and I didn't even do much of anything today. It seems having a sick child leads to a mother who manages to just sit down and watch television for the majority of the day. I am hoping tomorrow I am able to accomplish more, I have my counseling appointment and then I am hoping to get to the gym as well. Thanks for contacting us today, it made my day!

Spaghetti Dominos,
Melissa

Remaining Close While Separated

Wow, another week has passed since I last saw the love of my life, the most wonderful man! Sometimes I feel as though the days are passing by quickly and yet the weeks are passing by so slowly. Knowing I will not be seeing my husband again for quite some time I am always looking for ways to remain close to him. Some of the methods I have been using include wearing his shirts to bed. Their is nothing more wonderful than slipping into my husbands shirt right before going to bed and feeling as though he is lying right next to me. I know it is not the same as having him here, however it makes me feel better! Also wearing his dog tags daily, keeps him in my mind constantly. I will wear them until he safely returns home to my arms.

I suppose the biggest and greatest reminder of my husband is having our children near me. I can't help but looking into each of my childen's eyes and seeing him reflected in them. It is also seen in their behavior, my oldest daughter loves to fart and then laugh hysterically. Such lady like behaivor! LOL My middle daughter is so close to her daddy and is often lost without him, I love seeing the love she has for her daddy. Of course their is our son who looks exactly like his daddy and has the same sense of humor. He loves to make others laugh! I know as we go throughout this deployment we will find other ways to become closer to one another.

Damon, if you are reading this I love you and miss you desperately!

Support From Amazing Friends

Right now I am sitting here with two of my amazing friends. We have been laughing and having an hysterical time. My friend Sarah advised me that I should begin this blog by telling you that I forgot to turn off the alarm to my cell phone and then she proceeded to tell me to tell you how I woke up this morning, well duh I woke up to my alarm! LOL I am down to one child this evening, the other two are spending the night at a friends home! It is so quiet with just little man here. My fun and laughter with my friends has come to a halt as my other friend Kaylin is on the phone with her mother. It is so nice being able to have such great friends to rely on. Sarah's husband is also deployed and Kaylin is my neigbor from across the street. We are an ecclectic bunch of women. While your loved one is deployed I have found it very important to have a good support group with which you can rely on for anything.

Passing The Time With A Routine

Life has been busy, busy, busy around here. I attempt to keep myself and the children going all the time, so the time my husband and their daddy is gone will go by more quickly. It seems to work pretty effectively, however when the end of the day comes I just want to collapse and fall asleep. Yet when my head hits the pillow sleep does not come. It takes awhile for me to get to sleep and then on most nights it is a restless sleep where I wake up off and on again. Recently I have been contemplating taking my sleeping pills again but then my fear is not being fully functional in the morning for our children. I suppose time will tell me what I need to do.

A typical day for me involves going to the gym in the morning for an 1 and a half -2 hours after I get my daughters off to school. After the gym my little man and I come home and make lunch, put him down for a nap, wait for the girls to get home and then it is off to the YMCA for swim lessons. After swim lessons, it is time to come home and make dinner. Of course their is no typical day in our lives as we usually have other activities which come up that get added to the day. Like last night I took my children to see the movie Fame. It was a pretty decent movie, however not as good as I anticipated it would be. Still free movies are always wonderful! Today I am going to try out Yoga for the first time with a friend whose husband is also deployed with my husband right now.

Some days are more of a struggle than other days, yet I try to make the best of each day. I am learning to cope with stress more effectively as a result. Blogging seems to be an effective way of purging my emotions whether the be angry, sad, disappointed, happy, or humorous etc. It will also give my husband the opportunity to see what I am dealing with each day.

Lonely Christmas Ahead

I must want to be punished. I don't know what I have done so wrong in my life to deserve what I am going through right now. Why can't I just write my family off and say whatever! Apparently all I do is see everything in black and white and their is no gray in my distinctions (my mother's words). See my mother decided to call me this past Sunday and we had an argument, which began because she informed me that my sister, her daughter, my mother and my brother have decided to go to Disney World for Christmas, here is the kicker my sister is footing the bill for all of it. My thought is, isn't it kind of them to leave me and my children home for the holidays by ourselves. I am very angry about this whole situation, so I just let everything which was bothering me flow out!

My sister decided to celebrate this past 4th of July ar her house, which in the beginning was suppose to be celebrated at my home. However because of my mother's and sister's financial concerns they thought it would be best if we met at my sisters home. Which we did and which resulted in the most awful 4th of July I have ever experienced in my life. My sister didn't buy anything for the BBQ and she didn't find a firework display we could take our children to. When I first got there and went to the restroom, I washed my hands and noticed the hand towel appeared to be dirty so I asked if I could switch it out and her response was: It's not dirty, it is just stained. So I said alright and didn't mention anything about it again. I decided to leave there first thing on the morning of the 5th, as she made me and my children feel so uncomfortable and unwanted. Since that time I have not heard from her other than through my mother who has informed me that Erica is very upset with me for putting down her home! Fine whatever, she hasn't told me she has a problem with me and I am not about to call her and confront her.
Sunday though I decided after my mother informed me that her and my sister were going on vacation together again, I would end my silence and call my sister. I left her a very colorful message which included a tremendous amount of cussing.

This is not the only thing which came out during my conversation with my mother however, at the age of 17 my mother and her boyfriend at the time kicked me out so I lived with my boyfriend and his mother for the rest of my Junior and Senior year. Still managing to graduate with honors. Then when I was 26 years old I attempted suicide which landed me in the hospital for 5 days and my mother didn't even come up to make certain I was alright. Although she was in Eugene celebrating my sister's birthday and was only 4 hours away! Then when my husband and I invited her to go with us to Disneyland and we would pay, she absoultely refused to go with us, however several years later she went with my sister and her daughter. So in my thought process I honestly believe she favors my sister over me, however she doesn't see it that way. She says she invited Damon and I to go with them on their vacations, which is def. not true of Disneyland and as for Disneyworld it was only as an after thought. I am just exhausted of this whole situation. Their is a lot more I have left out of this which leads me to believe she favors my sister, however she doesn't see it that way and I am just tired of being hurt. Just suffice it to say it will be one lonely Christmas this year.

I also feel awful because my children are also suffering through all of this. I really wish I could curl up and go to sleep for a long period of time.

Eaves Dropping In The Sauna

Today is one of those days where I have knots in my stomach and I didn't sleep well last night. I kept waking up thinking my alarm was going to go off, when in reality I still had three hours before it would go off and then an hour. I can't discuss what is bothering me until I have the chance to speak with my husband. I am hoping it is nothing and I am just over reacting once again. I tend to over react often, so it won't suprise me if I did it again. As for yesterday it was one of those chaotic days.

Isaac and I went to the gym, then we had family swim lessons where the instructors are teaching us the parents how to teach our little ones how to swim. However lets go back to my time at the gym, I decided after working out I would go sit in the sauna for awhile. During my sauna time their were these other two women in there and they wouldn't stop chatting with one another about their other friend whom they had nothing good to say about. They were going on about how this particular individual wasn't coping with her husband's deployment at all and how she is way to dependent upon her spouse. For one I know what it is like to have a difficult time with a deployment and to want nothing more than your husband home. I gathered this was the first deployment for this family, which is even more of a struggle if you don't have a good support group around. So my advice is rather than speaking badly of this individual, go over and help her! As a disclaimer I am not normally into eaves dropping, however these girls were not attempting to be hush about their conversation so I had no other choice but to listen or leave the sauna.

So overall my day was extrordinarily busy, between gym, swim lessons and a church activity for the girls we didn't get home until 8:15 p.m. then I had an awful night of sleep. Today seems as though it will be just as chaotic as yesterday was. I am hoping I will be able to prepare dinner tonight! I am also hoping beyond hope that my husband will call and then I will be able to resolve my piddily little issue.

Until tomorrow!

The Puppet Master

Another day has begun and I seem to be fairing pretty well. I managed to dump my bowl of cereal all over me, my son decided it was the perfect opportunity for him to jump on my lap. (LOL) My husband called me yesterday evening, yay! He called me at 3:00 a.m. his time, he had just gotten back from the field and was extremely exhausted. However he must love me because he decided to call and tell me he loved me before he headed off to bed. He was able to talk to our three year old boy but was unable to talk to our daughters as they were at swim lessons during that time. He promised he will call again soon, so he is able to talk with them.

Speaking of our daughters, last night my oldest daughter was charging her cell phone in my room. So after it completed charging, I took it off the charger and set her alarm on the phone. When I opened the phone though, I saw her screen saver said "daddy is my hero!" How precious is that?!? Our children are so amazing. Saying "our children" gets me thinking about when I was working as an alcohol and drug counselor, we were taught to teach our clients to refer to their children, spouses, mother's, father's as "the children the mother, the husband, the wife ets..." We were taught by using "my" and "our" it gave them the feeling that they were possessions and as a possession you could abuse them, neglect them or do as you want with them.

I have no problem referring to my husband as mine, I have even been contemplating placing puppet strings on him and being his puppet master. It would be quite interesting to see what I could do with him then. This may be a difficult concept with him being in Iraq though. So I suppose I will have to let the puppet master concept go for awhile.

I love my husband and I miss him a lot, I can't wait until we are in each other's arms again!

Till Tomorrow

Separated By Miles

I have decided to begin this new blog to notate the time my husband and I spend apart due to a 1 year deployment in Iraq. Damon and I have been married for 11 years and he joined the Army aprrox. 5 years ago. This is his second deployment to Iraq. I am not fond of spending time away from my husband for numerous reasons, however he has chosen this career path and I must be accepting of it. He left over a week ago and it has been nothing but an emotional roller coaster.

The first two or three days, I was unstoppable I was doing great and I wes beginning to believe this deployment was going to be easier than the first deployment. That is where I went wrong, thinking I had it made (LOL). Never tell yourself you are doing well because then the bottom is going to fall out. My husband seemed to be calling me every other day since making it to Kuwait and since this past Wed. I have not heard from him in 5 days, which is aggravating and just leads me into disturbing thought patterns. See I am a very insecure individual naturally so you can just imagine some of the colorful thoughts I can come up with.

As wives/loved ones of soldiers we carry our phones with us at all times in hopes they will call. Since hearing from him last, I have managed to become a blubbering idiot twice this weekend. Luckily I have a wonderful friend and neighbor who has allowed me to vent each time I have an episode. I think she may get fed up with this routine very shortly though...I mean who wants to deal with a spazztastic friend on a daily basis. She did mention in passing that she hopes Damon calls soon, I think she knows with a phone call from him I may get a manic moment and be happier for at least two days, rather than having my little tear fest.

So my intentions of having this blog is to write daily regarding the ups and downs of dealing with my husband being deployed. I am hoping by doing this, my friend may not have to deal with all the tears. I am also hoping it will help me when I next speak with my wonderfully amazing husband, because honestly I don't want to scream and yell at him for not calling me. Which I have been known to do, I am atleast decent enough to admit I can be extremely selfish and demanding at times.

See You All Tomorrow.