Looking Back

Will I ever stop making stupid decisions? I don't know what to say for myself, however when you find yourself in a financial predicament you will find whatever method you can to get the money. These past few days since finding out about the status of my student loans I have come up with some normally unfathomable ideas of how to pay them off. It is difficult because I don't want to live the rest of my life in debt. Sometimes I wish I could join the military and they would pay off my student loans, however I know that is impossible. So that option is out. No, I would never rob or steal from somebody! I want to earn the money honestly. I feel as though their is nothing I can do. Then when I get in this state it feels like nothing I do is ever right and I wind up hurting everybody who is around me. I also begin questioning the decisions I have made in my life and it seems like I have done everything all wrong.

Is anything salvagable now or am I going to lose everything? I know this is putting a burden on my whole family and I am at a loss as to what to do. I honestly believe I may lose everything. The only person I have to blame is myself, I should have went back to work once we moved up to Washington. There are so many things I should have done differently! If only...

Student Loan Hell

Today is a better day, I didn't wake up vomiting last night. I can still hear my intestines working over time on occasion though. Now I am just hoping my husband and love of my life will get online soon, so we can chat. I also need to get some house work accomplished. It seems it is going to be a busy, busy day. The children are also home from school today and tomorrow as it is Teacher Inservice days. I suppose they are preparing for fall conferences.

Right now I am stressed about the payment of my student loans. I wish I could have been like my husband and went into the military to have all my student loans paid for. It has been a struggle to come up with the money to make any type of attempt to pay them off. I have some loans in forebearance but these ones were through the school and were not placed in forebearance. It is such a struggle as I have managed to keep up with all our other bills and yet my student loans always get pushed aside. Often times I think my husband doesn't give a rats ass. As long as his our in good standing and the military is paying for them then who cares about his wives. Alright enough purging, maybe if I make a payment of some kind it won't get sent even further.